


Because You Loved Me

by Seldenta



Series: Forever United [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 08:27:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20672309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seldenta/pseuds/Seldenta
Summary: After Deans death at the claws of a werewolf, Sam struggles to survive while Castiel finds a way to bring Dean back, while keeping Sam alive. Sequel to Forever United Warnings: Slash M/M , Incest, Graphic scenes, Strong language





	1. Chapter 1

Name: Because You Loved Me

Plot: After Deans death at the claws of a werewolf, Sam struggles to survive while Castiel finds a way to bring Dean back, while keeping Sam alive.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I owned Jared though, hes fucking hot. Jensens alright too...I guess.

Chapter 1: I Will Remember You

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It had been months, months since his heart and soul had been ripped out. Months since his single reason for living had been ripped away from him, taken before his time. Months since Castiel had told him he'd try his best to bring Dean back. It'd been months since Sam had a proper meal...or shower for that matter. He did nothing but hunt, driving himself into the ground and when he wasn't trying to get himself killed by the supernatural he was drinking his life away just to remember, just to hear Deans voice.

Pulling into the parking lot of a local bar Sam killed the engine to the Impala, the only thing he gave a damn enough to take care of, to maintain. He could care less if he fell over dead, or got an infection but he'd be damned if Dean came back and he had neglected the one thing Dean loved besides him. Pushing the door open, he pulled the keys from the ignition and slowly pushed himself out of the car, stumbling as he shut the car door behind him. His green eyes were glazed over, his hair oily and sticking together. He didn't care what he looked like, he had no reason to look like he should. He shoved the car keys into his pocket, his hand closing around his phone tighter and he slowly moved into the bar, ignoring how people moved the fuck outta his way.

Slowly he made his way to the bar and sat on one of the bar stools, far away from the other people. Whenever someone looked at him they were greeted with the worlds coldest glare, and after a few moments they'd look away. He didn't have to wait long, before the bar tender walked up to where he was sitting. "What can I get ya?" He asked, to which Sam replied gruffly. "Whiskey." The bar tender seemed to eye him for a few moments before he snorted "I think you're already wasted enough Son." Sam knew he reeked of alcohol and B.O But he didn't give a fuck. "If you were going to deny me a drink why'd you waste both our time asking?" Sam snarled back to the man, his cold stare meeting the mans who blanched at the emptiness in those eyes. He glanced around before reaching down for the shot glasses, and poured Sam the drink. "Only one. What happened to you boy?" The bar tender asked as he slid the glass to Sam. "My reason for living died." Sam said with slightly less hostility, and went to pay the man. The bar tender shook his head "On the house."

Sam knew before he heard the mans voice, that Castiel had arrived to ruin his evening fun with his lecturing. "Fuck off Castiel." He snarled. "Is that anyway to speak to a friend Samuel?" Castiel asked settling himself on the bar stool near Sam, ignoring the cool glare he was getting that most would say 'if looks could kill' in reference to. "A friend wouldn't be sitting on their ass when they could be rectifying a situation!" Sam snarled before he snatched the shot glass full of whiskey off the bar and downed it in one go, slamming the glass back down. "Thanks." He said curtly to the bar tender before he stood and moved towards the exit of the bar, knowing well enough that Castiel would follow.

They walked out to the Impala and Sam rounded on Castiel, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well?" He asked, raising a brow. "Sam...Destroying yourself isn't going to bring Dean back..." "I know that Castiel! But you said you'd bring him back, you told me you would! Its been months Cas..MONTHS!" "I said I'd try Samuel, and I'm well aware how long it has been." "Then why haven't you fucking done it yet!" "Because I'm having to watch you! To keep you from becoming a monster!" Those words caused Sam to buckle, his knees to give way and eyes to glaze over even more.

_"I'm the only one who can do this, Dean." At this Dean turned around, anger being the strongest emotion expressed, along with the hurt. "No your not going to be the one to do this." "Right thats right I forgot, the angels think its you" He snapped, his anger getting the better of him. Why couldn't Dean just understand? Deans eyebrows rose as his eyes narrowed "You don't think I can?" "No you cant." Okay so that was probably the wrong thing to say, defiantly considering how this just seemed to piss Dean off more. Yet he couldn't stop himself from continuing. "Your not strong enough." "And who the hell are you?" "I'm being practical here, i'm doing what needs to be done." "Yea? Your not going to do a single damn thing." Dean replied in the same tone he always used when giving orders. Sams anger spiked and he spat back "Stop bossing me around Dean!" Sucking in a deep breath he tried to reign in his anger. This was dean, his big brother... the guy he loved. He was just trying to protect him, but Sam was trying to protect Dean as well. "Look, my whole life" I've loved you. He thought. "You took the wheel, you called the shots and I trust you, because your my brother now i'm asking you for once, trust me!" God how he wanted Dean to accept, to trust him. To let him protect Dean for once._

_Dean wasn't having it though, as his head began to shake. A sigh escaped Sam before Dean spoke. "No, you don't know what your doing Sam." "Yes I do!" "Thats worse!" "Why? Look I'm telling you -" "Because its not something your doing its what you are!" Dean shouted in rage. Hurt flitted across Sams face as his heart cracked more. "It means" But dean stopped. "What? No." Tears had already welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision and threatening to overflow. Dean swallowed heavily as he continued to stare at Sam, his Sammy."Say it." "It means your a monster" Sam nodded, looking away as his jaw clenched._

"Samuel!" Sam jerked and glanced...up? Castiel was squatted down next to him, and Sam had some how ended up on the ground. "What happened?" He whispered, rubbing his eyes. "You fainted...I think it's time you got back to the motel." Castiel replied, pulling Sam up and helping him into the Impala. However as he tried to shut the door Sams hand grasped his trench coat. "Cas?" Sam said quietly. "Yea?" Castiel replied, not bothering to free his coat from Sams grip. "Get Dean back, please?" Sams voice broke on the last word, and Castiel nodded "I'm getting closer." Sam nodded and closed the door, starting the Impala and heading back to the Motel room.

The next morning Sam woke up with his head pounding, he'd had several beers before he even headed out to the bar. Groaning he rolled over in the bed and blindly reached for the aspirin and water on the night stand. Opening the bottle he grabbed eight of the pills and popped them in his mouth before draining the glass of water. He continued to lay there for several minutes, before the tell tale flutter of wings alerted him to Castiels presence. "What now Castiel?" He groaned out, his arm across his eyes as he waited for relief. "You need to get up and shower Samuel, and eat." Castiel replied. This wasn't the first time the Angel had come and demanded that Sam shower and eat, and he normally did so to humor Castiel but today he didn't want to get up.

"Later." Sam replied lazily, rolling to face away from the Angel. "Sam, I know you don't want to get up but you have to. I'll have a surprise for you later...and you need to be groomed and fed for it." Now this was a first, this got his attention. Sam pulled the covers back and sat up in the bed, blearily looking over at the angel. "Fine fine." Sam extracted himself from the bed, and moved towards his duffle bag and began to dig through it before pulling out the last clean clothes he had. Walking into the bathroom Castiel waited until he heard the shower, before he left to get his friend some food.

Thirty minutes later Sam emerged clean and fresh, to find Castiel sitting on the end of his bed with a ceasar Salad, toast, and Orange Juice for him. "Thanks Cas." Sam whispered as he moved towards the bed. He knew that the Angel was trying his best, and that taking care of Sam on top of everything else was trying for the Angel. He knew he shouldn't be wallowing, and that he'd lost a lot of weight...more so then he thought if the shocked look that crossed the usual stoic angels face was anything to go by. "It's no problem, Samuel. Though do try and eat all of it?" Castiel asked as he handed Sam his meal as he sank down onto the bed. Castiel smiled slightly at his friend before he stood and moved to stand near the wall. Sam was used to the Angels odd behavior, like preferring to stand instead of sitting and such. He opened the salad and covered it with his favorite dressing before stabbing a piece of lettuce and slowly chewing it once it was placed in his mouth.

Castiel smirked at this and shook his head, it was the same every time. Sam would make sure to exaggerate every piece he ate, to show he ate it. It always amused and saddened Castiel, amused because it was funny to see the more mature Winchester acting like a spoiled kid not getting their way, Sad because of how much weight Sam had lost during these months, and he knew that Dean would not be pleased when he was brought back with Sam the way he was. He just hoped that Sam wasn't so far gone, that even Deans presence couldn't turn the man around...he knew how much they relied on each other, after everything else that'd happened.

Once Sam was finished with his breakfast – what he could eat of it – Castiel threw the rest away and then grabbed a blindfold. "Ah blindfold eh? Who ever knew you had kinks Cas." Sam commented as Castiel tied it on and made sure he couldn't see. Castiel didn't reply except for an amused snort, before he moved away from the bed. "Stay." He ordered, and with a flutter of wings disappeared. He appeared before Dean, who stared at him with a grin plastered across his face. "Can I go to Sammy now?" He asked, practically bouncing up and down where he stood. "Yea..But Dean I should warn you." "About?" Castiel sighed. "Sams not the...same as he was before." "What do you mean?...Cas? Whats wrong tell me please?" Castiel shook his head. "You'll see." Was all he said before grabbing Deans arm and only letting go when they reappeared before Sam. Dean gasped as he stood, staring at a blindfolded Sam...but this Sam was skin and bones.

Dean didn't wait for a reaction, when he saw his Sammy looking like a skeleton he was pissed and happy, he crossed the distance between them and pulled off the blindfold only seconds before crushing his lips against Sams. Sam gasped at the sudden assault, and Dean took advantage, plunging his tongue into Sams mouth and searching out every inch... Sam didn't respond at first, but as soon as his senses clicked that this was Dean he threw his arms around Deans neck and fell backwards pulling his brother down on top of him as he sighed and moaned into the kiss. Dean barely had time to brace himself when Sam pulled him down, and as his tongue caressed his brothers, and heard his brothers moan. He had missed this, missed his Sammy but all too soon in Deans opinion the need for oxygen became to much and he reluctantly broke this kiss, but he didn't move away. Instead his lips moved down over Sams jaw and down his neck, nipping and soothing the skin as he moved. Castiel who had been standing there the whole time, trying to see if they'd stop on their own cleared his throat when Dean began to strip Sam of his shirt.

Dean shifted his weight, not breaking any contact with his brother to hold up one hand...well one finger towards their angel friend which caused Castiel to roll his eyes. "Dean. Sam." He tried again and succeeded though was rewarded for his efforts with identical death glares. "Shoo fly." Dean grumbled before turning his affections back to his brother who moaned and eyes fluttered shut. "De..Gods...We need to talk...he's right." Dean tensed and huffed before rolling off of Sam and shot another glare at Castiel, because this whole stopping thing was HIS fault.

Castiel just stared blankly back at Dean which caused Sam to smirk because he knew that Castiel would win any stubborn stare down Dean was trying to have. Sitting up Sam leaned into his brothers side, head resting against the top of Deans. This of course reminded Dean about his brother being a walking, talking, and breathing skeleton. Turning his attention to Sam he raised one of his eyebrows. "Why can I feel every single rib you have, as well as your Spine Sam?" He asked in a deadpan tone.

Castiel took this as his que, and angeled out of the room after receiving a grateful smile from Sam. Sam had the decency to look ashamed, even if only slightly. "I missed you...you are my reason for living and while I had Castiel trying to find a way to get you back...I didn't have the urge to eat. I was hunting...and drinking...and I was alone...you promised me you'd stay with me and you left me De...I wanted my brother...my lover...I didn't want to be alone..." Sam replied, ending in a whisper with tears streaming down his face.

Dean stared at his brother before leaning towards Sam, one of his hands cupping his brothers face and brushing the tears away. "You're going to eat now, right?" He asked sternly. Only after Sam nodded, did he lean the rest of the way in and press a kiss to his brothers lips, pulling away only long enough to say "Good, Because I just got you back. I don't want to lose you. I'll kick your ass if you don't." Before they both collapsed back onto the bed.

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_A/N: So, What do ya'll think for the start of Because You Loved Me. It is the sequel to 'Forever United'. I'll have the next chapter up ASAP. Reviews give me muse, so R&R with opinions or things ya want to happen to the boys._


	2. Say You Love Me

Chapter 2: Say You Love Me

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Supernatural and the characters unless I create one of my own, belong to Kripke, lucky fuck.  
Warnings: Graphic scene

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Dean made sure to cover his brother with most of his body when they collapsed back into the bed, his mouth securely pressed against Sams as their lips moved together. After a few moments Dean ran his tongue across Sams bottom lip, begging for entrance which was willingly given. Deans tongue dipped into the hot moist mouth of his brother, moaning at Sams taste as one of his hands moved up Sams side. His tongue caressed each inch of his brothers mouth, as his hand slipped under Sams shirt and began pushing it up. Dean was enjoying this, his eyes fluttering as he forced himself to keep his eyes opened. Sam had his opened as well, barely but they were and Dean could see those gorgeous green eyes staring up at him as they glazed over with lust.

Much to soon the need for air became too much once more, and Dean trailed his lips down Sams jaw and towards his neck, nipping and licking the flesh as he went. A smirk spread across his face when Sam gasped and moaned deeply, arching into him when he bit down on Sams collar bone before sucking on the flesh there, making sure to leave a deep hickey on his brother. Once he was pleased with his work he pulled back and Sam whimpered at the loss before he sat up enough for Dean to remove Sams shirt. Once the offending material was removed he gently pushed Sam back down onto the bed and continued his descent making sure to cover every inch of his brothers flesh with his mouth. Dean wasn't often one to be emotional, but every now and then between kisses he muttered "I love you" Against Sams flesh.

Deans mouth covered one of Sams nipples, circling the dusty nub with his tongue and flicking it, smirking when Sam gasped and arched up towards him once more. He continued his assault on the tender flesh until it was hardened, before moving onto the other and laving it with the same attention. Sam groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, he was sure his brother was going to kill him with need. Dean slowly moved lower, his tongue circling Sams belly button before dipping into the opening, and pulling out before being thrust back in. A promise of what was to come, and he just loved watching as Sams stomach tensed with each thrust of his tongue, and how he moaned so prettily.

"De...Please." Sam moaned as his brothers hands began to undo his jeans, slowly sliding the zipper down and undoing the button. "Patience Sammy...We'll get there." Dean purred as he moved back up to press his lips to Sams once more. Sam whimpered when Deans tongue flicked his ear before he whispered "Its all about you...Relax...enjoy." Once Deans hands had Sams jeans open he slipped back down and began to pull them off, letting them drop to the floor at the end of the bed. Instead of moving right back up to remove his brothers boxers as well, he moved up slowly. Deans lips pressed kisses to the inside of his brothers leg, moving up oh so slowly until he was almost to where Sam wanted him the most, before he skipped that area and pressed a kiss to the other inside thigh causing Sam to groan out of frustration. However Deans fingers did dip inside the band of the boxers, and hooked before slowly pulling them down as he moved down his brothers leg. Soon the boxers joined Sams pants on the floor at the end of the bed and Dean was moving back up.

However instead of reaching his brothers mouth Dean stopped at his brothers groin, and smirking at his brother he pushed Sams legs further apart before that devilish tongue ran over Sams entrance, Deans dick twitching at the long deep moan that came from Sam as he did so. Deans eyes closed slightly, before he ran his tongue over his brothers hole again, pressing firmer against it and enjoying the moan that came from Sam once more. "Gods...De...Please!" Sam groaned as he pressed back against Deans tongue. Dean pulled back and grinned "Please what Sammy?" He purred, staring up at his brother with half lidded eyes. "Please...tongue fuck me!" Sam half whined half growled and Dean felt a spark of desire hit him. Dean pressed a kiss to Sams thigh and murmured "I love you." Before he ran his tongue across Sams hole once more, then pressed the tip against the tight ring of muscles and with some work and several minutes, finally breeched them and closed his eyes at the feeling of his brothers body squeezing down on his tongue. He continued to push his tongue in, flicking it inside of his brother and felt a tingle go down his spine when Sam screamed in pleasure. Deans lips closed around his brothers entrance, and he pulled his tongue out before thrusting it back in, flicking it when he did.

Sam began to press backwards, head thrashing from side to side as Dean continued to tongue fuck him. He loved it when his brother did this for him, he remembered it was one of the first things they did after his rape. He snapped out of such thoughts when the familiar tightness in his stomach was about to snap. "De! Ima!" He cried out.

Dean smirked around his brothers entrance and picked up the speed of his thrusts with his tongue after his brothers warning. Sam tensed below him and shuddered as he released all over his stomach. Dean continued thrusting through his brothers orgasm and once it was over pulled his tongue out, but pressed one last kiss to his entrance before he moved up and began to lick Sam clean. Sam glanced down and saw his brother licking up his cum, and smirked at the sight. "I love you De." He breathed, reaching a hand down towards his brother who crawled up and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Love you too, Sammy." Dean laid down next to Sam, ignoring his throbbing erection as he brushed the sweaty hair from Sams face.

"De?" Sam whispered, he could feel his brothers erection and wanted to have his brother fill him. "Hm?" Dean replied, continuing to stroke Sams head. "Make love to me?" Sam asked, peering up at Dean who'd laid down further up the bed. "Ya sure?" Dean asked softly. "Yes...You didn't..." Dean chuckled and shook his head "Told you, tonights about you." He replied pressing a kiss to Sams forehead. "Oh? Well I want you to make love to me...Please...fill me." Dean smiled "Happily." He had meant It when he said the night was about Sam, he didn't care if he was aching with need...he wanted to take care of his brother.

Dean sat up and slowly removed his shirt before he rolled back on top of Sam, and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, smiling when Sam opened his mouth right off rip. This time however Sams hands ran up and down Deans bared body, seeming to memorize the flesh once again as Deans tongue caressed his and even lured it into Deans mouth where he proceeded to allow Sam dominance of the kiss, moaning as his brother explored his mouth. When the need of Oxygen became to much once more, Deans lips trailed down his brothers body following the same path that they had before, once again whispering against his brothers skin. "Love you Sammy..." "God...need you Sammy." "Let me love you Sammy?" Sam moaned and continued to run his hands over every inch of flesh he could reach, answering his brothers whispered words in gasps. "Love you De.." As well as "Then take me." and "Make love to me...please."

Dean regretfully had to pull back long enough to strip out of his jeans and boxers, as well as get the lube from Sams duffel bag. He then moved back towards the bed, slipping between Sams legs once again. "You're sure?" He asked his brother once again, staring into those bright green eyes. "Always De...Always want you..need you." Sam whispered back to him, his own eyes half hooded. Dean leaned up then and kissed him passionately as he lubed up three of his fingers, slowly slipping the first one into Sams entrance. Sam groaned and pressed back against his finger as Dean wriggled it around for a few moments before slowly introducing a second one to the bunch. Sam tensed slightly and Dean paused waiting for him to relax before he began to scissor him open and crooked his fingers to find his prostate. When Sam gasped and arched upwards to the point he was sure his brother would snap his back he was sure he found it. A smug smirk spread across Deans face, as he continued to stretch his brother until he was sure he was ready. Pulling his fingers out he kissed Sams neck when he whimpered at the loss, focusing on coating his dick in lubricant before he shifted to rest over his brother, pressing against Sams entrance. "Ready?" He asked, searching until Sam nodded and Dean slowly pressed into him.

Dean knew some wouldn't be so gentle, but he knew of his brothers past...and never wished to trigger any of those flashbacks when he was with Sam like this. Pausing once he was seated to the hilt, he waited until Sam pushed back against him to pull out and thrust back in, slowly picking up speed. Dean gasped and groaned out "Fuck! Sam...So tight...fuck." As he continued his slowish thrusts, angled directly for his brothers prostate. "MMM God...Faster!" Dean chuckled "Dean will do." But complied and thrust into his brother faster, quickly feeling the coil tightening. "Damn...Sammy...can't last..." Dean gasped out, thrusting into his brother. "mmm Me neither De!" "Cum with me." Dean whispered, tensing as he thrust one last time before he came inside his brother as Sam covered them in his own release, both crying out the others name as they did so.

Deans arms buckled once he came down from his high and he collapsed on top of Sam for a few moments before rolling off to the side after gently pulling out of his brother. "Missed ya baby boy." Dean breathed into Sams ear. "I missed you too." Sam and Dean drifted off to sleep, Sam resting slightly further down the bed so his head could rest on Deans chest, with Deans arms wrapped around him and vice versa.

They woke several hours later to find Sam stretched across Deans chest, his head nuzzled up under Deans chin. Dean of course didn't mind, and tightened his arms around Sams middle when his brother tried to slip away from him. "De..." Sam playfully whined as he weakly struggled to get away. Dean smirked "What?" He asked, peering down at his brother before a glint came to his eyes and he began to tickle his brother. "De! Stop!" Sam gasped out between bouts of laughter. Dean continued to tickle his brother relentlessly until Sam could barely get a breath between laughs. "You give?" Dean asked and when Sam nodded he stopped his assault on his brothers sides, rolling to the side and bringing Sam with him who was gasping for air. Sam glared at his brother for a few minutes as his breathing returned to normal. He then leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Deans lips. "Love you...even if you are a Jerk." Sam mumbled, so only Dean could hear. This made Dean chuckle "Yea well, I love you even if you are a bitch."

Sam huffed at that and went to pull away from Dean again, only to have those strong arms keep locked around his waist. "Where do you think you're going?" Dean growled pulling Sam back against him. "I'm getting up Dean." Sam replied, gasping when he felt his brothers erection pressed against his ass. "Really? So am I." Dean purred as he rolled on top of his brother again, needless to say they wouldn't be leaving the bed for hours yet. In Deans mind, he had months to make up for and he would be damned if he let any chance he got to touch Sam slip between his fingers. Sam tried weakly to claim they had to get up and find a hunt, but Dean brushed it off with saying tomorrow..and doing very naughty things to his brother.

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_A/N: Whoo! So what did ya'll think? This chapter is just a sort of 'Im here, alive, I missed you' kind of chapter. R&R? Still working on chapter three. So, what do ya'll think of this fanfic just being their day to day lives? Or should they keep hunting? Opinions are great!_


	3. You Are Not Alone

Chapter Three: You're Not Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Supernatural and characters belong to Kripke

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It'd been three days since Castiel brought back Sams reason for living. Three days since he started eating properly again though it wasn't much...small meals but he ate all he could with Dean sitting right at his side watching him. They fell asleep in each others arms every night, and when Sam woke up to Dean thrashing in his sleep he was quick to comfort his brother, holding his protector against him and shielding him from the demons that haunted him in the night. Demons that he'd revealed to be just nightmares, nightmares of Sam dieing and him being left helpless and unable to save him. Sam knew the pain for real, it'd haunted him for months and thus he had no issues with the reversed roles.

Last night had been no different, Dean had another nightmare and Sam was quick to wrap his arms around his brother, pulling him to his side and shushing his fears. Dean needed only to open his eyes, see those green eyes staring down at him before he clung to his brother with a low sigh and slowly the two had drifted off to sleep. Sam woke to the sounds of his brother distressed twice that night, and after the second time simply remained awake watching Dean as he slept, pressed up against his side. The sun came up too soon if you asked him, blinding him through the window to their motel room. Dean had decided that they should be heading home, home that sounded grand to Sam. He'd left Sirius with the neighbor, to watch over his dog as he drowned his sorrows over Deans death alone.

Now as Dean stirred beside him, groaning probably because the evil sun disrupted his slumber and Sams too as far as he knew. "Morning." Sam whispered softly as he rubbed circles in Deans back, smirking when Dean grumbled something into his chest that sounded like 'fuck off'. Sam chuckled at that, causing his chest to shake and Dean to lift his head just enough to shoot his brother a withering glare, well it was more squint at his brother considering the sun was blinding them.. "Close the shades." Dean growled burying his face back into Sams chest. A low snort escaped Sam at this, head shaking slightly "I'd be glad to, but I can't if you're clinging to me." He replied, nudging his brother playfully. "Fuck you." Dean huffed, shifting so he was laying on the bed. Sam grinned and rolled so he was hovering over his brother having shifted down the bed. "Are you offering?" He asked, quirking a brow at Dean and laughing when Dean glared at him and shoved him off of him and rolled onto his side. "Well, Someones not a morning person." Sam grumbled as he got out of their bed and pulled the shades down so the sun was blocked.

Sam then turned back towards the bed to find that Dean had rolled to face his side of the bed when he'd gotten up. Slowly Dean held out a hand and Sam moved towards the bed, crawling back in next to his brother. Once Sam was in the bed Dean rolled them so that he was hovering over his brother and leaned down to press a chaste kiss to Sams mouth. Dean pulled back then after the brief kiss and grinned when Sam pouted at him. "So adorable." Dean shook his head at the puppy dog eyes Sam was giving him and leaned down to kiss him once more, this time he nipped at Sams lower lip causing his brother to gasp and he took the chance to force his tongue into Sams mouth, caressing Sams tongue with his own. Dean reluctantly ended the kiss however after air became a much needed thing, rolling off to his side of the bed as Sam smiled at him. "Morning." Dean said as if that was the reason for his actions. Sam laughed at that, a fond smile in place "Some good morning." Sam replied jokingly, but Dean knew he wasn't being an ass.

Reluctantly the two of them got out of bed, and each took their turns taking a shower, much to Deans disappointment. When Sam emerged from the shower with the towel slung low around his hips, Dean couldn't help but smirk from his spot on the bed where he was pulling on his boots. Sam glanced up at him as he bent slightly, to dig in his duffel bag at the end of the bed. "What?" Dean asked, catching Sam looking at him. Sam smirked and shook his head as he pulled out his jeans and set them on the bed, next to a dark blue t-shirt and his hoodie that some thought was odd for him to wear..even when it was hot as all hell. "Nothing." He replied quietly, looking back at his clothes as he gathered them up and headed back towards the bathroom to dress. However strong arms wrapped around his waist pulling him back against the firm body behind him. "Where do you think you're going?" Dean asked as he pulled the towel open letting it drop to the ground. Sam glanced behind him before he turned in Deans embrace and smirked down at him. "To get dressed." He then leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Deans lips before successfully escaping Deans grip and bolting into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Saaaamm" Dean growled only to receive a laugh in response.

Ten minutes later Sam emerged once more, this time fully dressed. He settled down on the bed with his laptop in his lap, searching through news clips and such for possible hunts. Dean was leaning against the headboard next to him, peering over his shoulder to look at what he was pulling up. After several minutes Dean grew bored, and it showed by his fidgeting. Sam glanced over at him "Why don't ya go get lunch?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother. Dean glared for a few moments before he moved off the bed and snatched the keys off the night stand. "Alright." Sam continued to watch him until Dean was out of the room and the door shut behind him. A low sigh escaped him as he relaxed back onto the bed and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

Oh He loved his brother alright, he loved him more then life itself but the past three days with Dean watching his every move, and the repetitive sex it was grating on Sams last nerve. He'd lost count of how many times they'd fucked after ten...Sure he missed his brother, but he wanted them to do more then lay in bed all fucking day. "Problem?" Came Castiels voice causing Sam to jerk into the sitting position as he stared at the angel for a few moments before shaking his head. "No..." He snapped before collapsing back onto the bed and throwing his arm over his eyes. Castiel raised a brow at this, unfazed by the short answer from the younger Winchester.

"Really? So you look like shit because you want to?" He drawled as he leaned back against the wall. "Thanks Cas, really makes me feel better." Sam snarled. "Wasn't trying to. So. What's the problem?" He asked and waited as the silence stretched. "Dean...He..er...Doesn't wanna do anything but _Stay in bed all day_" He stressed the last few words hoping the angel would catch his meaning. Luckily Sam had his eyes covered because Castiel laughed silently at that. "I have a solution to that." He said causing Sam to drop his arm from his eyes.

"What?" He asked eagerly. "It seems that there are people being found petrified in Maryland Heights Missouri." Castiel replied. "Any clue what is causing it?" Sam asked, head cocking to the side slightly. Castiel shook his head but before he could speak the door opened and Dean walked in carrying two hamburgers and a salad for Sam. The elder Winchester glanced up after shutting the door behind him and paused for a second. "Whats Up Cas?" He asked as he moved over to the bed, handing Sam his Salad as he settled down on the bed next to his brother. "It seems some people were found in Missouri, petrified." Sam replied, reaching for the Salad as Dean settled down. "Really?" Dean asked glancing towards their Angel friend. "Yea. I need you to investigate it." Castiel drawled, glancing between the two Winchesters. "Sure. We'll leave today." Dean replied and watched as his friend nodded then vanished.

He never understood why Castiel only came when there was a job, or when they called him. But then again he was fighting that war in Heaven, against Raphael. "When today are we leaving?" Sam asked, leaning back against the headboard as he poured the dressing onto his salad and shaking it. "After we're done eating." Dean replied, smirking at Sam before he unwrapped his burger and took a bite. Sam simply nodded before he pulled the lid off his Salad once more, spearing a piece of lettuce with his fork. Dean glanced over, making sure his brother finished his Salad. Some would find it annoying, and Sam did at times...but he knew his brother only did it cause he loved him.

Twenty minutes later found the Winchesters packed and getting into the Impala, Dean in the drivers seat because after all it was his baby. Sam laughed at his brother, for he was currently petting the dash. "Oh I've missed you Babe." He said to the car, causing Sam to roll his eyes. "If ya'll need a room just let me know." He smirked thinking back to the last time he'd said that to his brother, it caused him to chuckle. Dean smirked "Don't listen to him baby. He's just jealous." Dean whispered loud enough for Sam to hear him. This caused Sam to snort and shake his head at his brothers antics. God how he'd missed him.

Silence stretched through the car, though it wasn't the uncomfortable silence...it was just there because they both knew there was no need to fill it with pointless chatter. Sam took the time to ponder, if anyone had ever loved someone as much as he loved Dean. Could they picture themselves dieing if they ever lost the one the loved, would they throw themselves in front of anything that threatened that one person? Would they give up anything...everything just to be with the one whom you love? He glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye, lips curling into a smirk as Dean reached over to turn on the radio... Some would scream if all they listened to was old music...like AC/DC, Metallica, and many more but Sam found it endearing. He sighed softly, going back to his musings. Had anyone else ever had to go on without their soul mate? Had anyone else ever felt as though their meaning for living had been cruelly ripped from their gasp? Probably he figured, but it didn't matter because now he could feel those rips and tears in his heart mending every day that Dean was there, and fine.

Closing his eyes slowly he allowed his head to rest against the window as he drifted off to the sleep to the soft murmur of Metallica playing in the background. Dean knew when his brother fell asleep as he saw his breathing even out and become deeper. He turned the music up and glanced out the windshield focusing on driving, thankful to their friend for bringing him back...for watching over Sam while he was gone. Of course...Sams weight loss was a bit alarming, but Dean was working on rectifying that.

Several hours later Sam was woken when the car struck a bump in the road, smacking his head against the window. Slowly opening his eyes to realize it was dark. Shifting he sat up, glancing around before looking at Dean as the pulled into another run down motel. "Come On Sammy. Lets check in for the night." Dean muttered as he parked the car and got out, heading towards the office. Sam slowly extracted himself from the passenger seat and grabbed their duffels just in time to follow Dean to their room. Sam set the duffels down on the bed – which he noted there was only one – and sat down beside them rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Where are we?" He finally asked, watching as Dean salted the windows and door before locking them. "Camden Tennessee." Dean replied, replacing the salt into his duffel bag and collapsing onto the bed, after kicking off his shoes. Sam pulled off his own shoes before setting the duffels at the end of the bed on the floor and moving up the bed followed closely by Dean who looked exhausted. Sam reached over and unbuttoned Deans jeans, before undoing his jeans to have his hands swatted at. "To...Tired." Dean groaned his eyes closed.

Sam rolled his eyes "Fine, sleep in your Jeans." He huffed pulling off his own but keeping his boxers on. Dean opened one eye before he weakly tried to pull his jeans down, exaggerating his exhaustion to get Sam to do the work for him. It worked of course and soon enough both were tucked away under the comforter. "Night De." Sam whispered as his eyes drifted shut. Dean rolled onto his side, scooting closer to his brother and wrapping his arm around Sams waist, spooning him from behind. "Night. Love you." He whispered placing a brief kiss to the back of Sams neck. "Me...too." Sam replied, shifting back in Deans grip. Sam knew he'd have it no other way...least now he wasn't alone. It was just him and Dean, the way things were supposed to be.

* * *

_A/N: I had them stop because well my mom said it takes like a day if you drive none stop to get to Missouri from Florida. Figured Dean would wanna sleep after driving for hours, and not wanting to disrupt Sams sleep. Anyways Next chapter coming ASAP. R&R. Thanks._


	4. If Tomorrow Never Comes

Chapter Four: If Tomorrow Never Comes

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Supernatural and characters unless I make an original one, belong to Kripke...lucky bastard.

_Sometimes late at night_   
_I lie awake and watch him sleeping_   
_He's lost in peaceful dreams_   
_So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark_   
_And the thought crosses my mind_   
_If I never wake up in the morning_   
_Would he ever doubt the way I feel_   
_About him in my heart_

_If tomorrow never comes_   
_Will he know how much I loved him_   
_Did I try in every way to show him every day_   
_That he's my only one_   
_And if my time on earth were through_   
_And he must face this world without me_   
_Is the love I gave him in the past_   
_Gonna be enough to last_   
_If tomorrow never comes_

* * *

Dean was the first one awake the next day, and it took him a second to remember where they were..because this was neither their last motel room nor their house in Florida. Once he remembered they were on their way to a potential hunt he slowly extracted himself from Sams grip, who was laying half on him with his arms wrapped around Deans waist. Sam whimpered and tightened his grip, a low "No." Came along with the whimper..though it was clear his brother was still asleep.

Dean froze for a moment, taking the chance to notice that it was still dark outside so he settled down once more. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother and settled for simply watching his brother, something he'd deny if he was ever questioned about it. Slowly raising his free hand he brushed his brothers bangs from his face, caressing his face with his hand and smiling softly at how young...and handsome his brother looked in his sleep. All the stress and worry that Sam always carried with him seemed to be erased when he was sleeping, looking years younger then he was.

Sam moaned and leaned into the caress, his body shuffling closer to Deans and arms tightened around Deans waist. "De..." It was so quiet, barely a whisper as his brother took a breath. "I'm right here." Dean whispered quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to Sams head..since his brother had shuffled down the bed in their sleep to rest on Deans chest. Dean ignored the signs of neglect that his brother had inflicted upon himself, the dark shadows beneath his eyes..ribs protruding from his sides..no all Dean saw was his bright, healthy and fucking sexy brother as he laid there.

"My De..." Sam whispered nuzzling his face into Deans chest. Tears sprang to his eyes when the next words where whispered in Sams sleep. "No...De...Don't...Please...Come back!" Sams face scrunched up in obvious distress and Dean was left wondering not for the first time, how much pain he'd caused his brother the two times he died. "Shh...Its Okay Sammy...I'm not going anywhere." He whispered running his fingers through Sams hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Dean continued to hold his brother, quietly reassuring him whenever his dreams began to get restless that he was there for hours, watching as the sky turned pink as the sun began to rise above the horizon. He knew they'd have to get up to get a shower before they went to get breakfast and got on the road. Reluctantly he gently extracted himself from Sams grip and leaned down to whisper in his brothers ear. "Sammy.." "Mm..G'way." That made Dean smirk. "No...Come on Sammy, wake up..open your eyes for me."

He continued to whisper, despite his brother sleepily trying to push him away. "Wake up Sammy...come on..." "Mmm De?" Sam groaned slowly opening his eyes and rubbing the sleep from them before blinking blearily at him. "Come on, We gotta get going." Dean said at the questioning look he was getting. Sam rolled over and glanced at the clock "M'up." He yawned as he slowly sat up on the side of the bed. Dean smirked at his brother shaking his head. "Shower, Sleeping Beauty. Come on." Dean got up and grabbed his brothers hand pulling him up from the bed and walking him to the bathroom.

Once they were in the bathroom Dean stripped off their boxers, before leading Sam into the shower since he was still half asleep. However once the spray hit him he let out a high pitch yelp – which he'd totally deny later – and turned to glare at Dean, who was leaning against the shower wall laughing his ass off. "Whats wrong Sammy? Cold?" Dean asked, amusement glinting in his eyes. "Jerk..." Sam grumbled before picking up the wash cloth and stepping back into the spray once it'd warmed up some.

It didn't take long for them both to shower, and surprisingly Dean behaved himself...for the most part. Sam knew he couldn't fault his brother for the gropes...after all he was a man-whore. Sam honestly didn't mind...hell he was even guilty of starting a few of them but now as he stood with the towel slung low around his hips, digging through his duffel once more searching for something to wear that day. Finally deciding to settle upon a dark green t-shirt, his black hoodie, black jeans and his boots along with silver boxers. Moving back into the bathroom he dressed, and emerged a short time later fully dressed. Sams attention turned to Dean however, when his brother stood from the bed and grabbed their duffel bags. "Well, Lets get a move on." He said heading towards the door. Sam rolled his eyes at this, but trudged after his brother regardless.

It wasn't a very long drive before they came upon a quaint little diner they both agreed on as decent enough to eat at. Of course, they'd ate at seedy and questionable establishments before. Dean pulled into one of the empty parking spots, killing the car and getting out heading into the diner without even waiting on his brother. Sam of course was used to this, after all there was no reasoning with his brother when Dean was hungry. Thus he simply trailed after Dean, entering to hear the waitress speak. "How many sweetie?" She purred at Dean – another thing he was used to - "Two." Dean replied, his eyes roaming over the young waitress and causing Sam to growl lowly in his throat – to which Dean shot him a 'what the fuck' look – as he trailed after the waitress. Sam followed with a 'bitch face' firmly in place.

Sometimes Dean could be really oblivious, or maybe he knew and just didn't care. Sam never really knew, but he was currently testing his self control as he sat across from Dean watching as the waitress practically shoved her boobs in Deans face as she leaned around the menu to 'help' Dean. Sams knuckles were turning white from clenching them beneath the table as he tried to shoot lasers at the bitch with his eyes. Only after he cleared his throat, did she even notice him sitting there. "Oh. Sorry hun. What can I get you?" She asked him but turned her eyes back to Dean. Sam bit his tongue for the moment, knowing Dean couldn't stand jealous clingy bitches...he wouldn't be like that damnit. "Blueberry Pancakes with a side of hash browns and scrambled eggs. Maple syrup and a black coffee." He all but growled out, teeth clenched as he spoke. Though as Dean raised a brow at him he forced himself to add "Thanks."

She jotted down Sams order and turned towards Dean. "And you sweetie?" She had the guts to purr at Dean, who smiled sweetly at her in turn. "Scrambled eggs, two links of sausage, two bacon, toast, and black coffee." He replied glancing up at her as he closed the menu. "Alright. It'll be along shortly." She replied grabbing up the menus and making sure to brush Deans hand when she took hers. Sam clenched his teeth even more and glared at the retreating waitress. "Alright. What the hell Sam." Dean hissed beneath his breath once the waitress was out of hearing range. Sam just shot him a confused look "What?" He asked sweetly, knowing damn well what Dean meant. "What?" Dean snapped back sarcastically. "You know damn well what!" He growled. "Don't Dean. You can't honestly expect me to sit by while she practically sits in your lap!" He replied glaring at his brother. "I damn well can! It's just flirting Sam! If I wanted some clingy jealous BITCH i'd date a girl!" Dean hissed his own hands clenched. Hurt flashed across Sams face and Dean knew he fucked up. "Well then. Enjoy breakfast alone." Sam said as he stood up, slamming into the waitresses shoulder as he shoved past her and out the door.

Dean didn't chase after him, not that he really expected it. He knew he was a burden to his brother, had known before Dean died... Of course part of him had hoped it wasn't true. Shaking his head he refused to cry, though he could feel the tears stinging at the back of his eyes. Storming over to the Impala he reached in the back and grabbed his duffel bag before walking across the parking lot. It was times like these he missed Sirius, and longed to return to their house and just collapse into the bed and cuddle with his dog. However he knew there was a hunt, and he would find a way to Missouri if he had to walk. Heading to a near by bus stop he counted out how much money he had on his person and frowned slightly when he realized it was just shy of two hundred.

Sighing he started walking, tucking the money away in his duffel next to the spare gun, his main pearl handle gripped one tucked into the back of his pants. He doubted he'd get a ride, but he knew he'd have to try...to get away...to get to the hunt. However it didn't take long for someone to appear...although admittedly it wasn't what he was expecting. "What are you doing Samuel?" Castiel asked as he walked beside the taller man. "What's it look like?" Sam snapped back, though Castiel didn't let the Winchesters temper get to him.

"It looks like you're trying to get yourself mugged and or killed." Castiel deadpanned, forcing Sam to stop when he stepped in front of him. It was then that the angel noticed the drying tear tracks on Sams face, and his lips flickered downwards. "What did the idiot do now?" Had anyone else called Dean a idiot, even now..he would have defended him. However this was Castiel, the one person besides Sam that could handle Dean. "Nothing. I just. He...GOD!" Sam threw the duffel down at Castiels feet and spun around throwing his hands out in frustration.

"Of all the self centered, egotistical...ASSHOLE things!" Sam continued and Castiel let him, standing unfazed by the duffel bag simply watching as Sam paced and ranted. Sam eventually turned towards the angel. "He told me he expected me to sit by, and let some hussy practically sit in his lap...WITH me SITTING there." He growled though his words carried the hurt and betrayal he felt. Castiel stepped forward, having picked up the duffel sometime during Sams rant – when he wasn't sure – and came to stand in front of the youngest Winchester again.

"I do not know if this is...normal in this day and age. Though judging by your reaction it's not." Castiel said, staring unblinkingly at Sam. "It's not." Sam agreed. Castiel nodded then and reached out, placing his hand on Sams arm and zapping them to Maryland heights Missouri. Once they were outside some random motel Castiel stepped back after handing Sam his duffel. "Everything will work out in its own time. Take care of yourself Sam...and enjoy your peace and quiet...hopefully you'll begin on the research." Castiel replied and disappeared after Sam nodded.

Once the angel was gone, Sam turned and headed towards the office of the motel booking the last room available and heading down to it. Once inside he set his only bag down on the bed, before salting the door and windows, locking them as well. Once he was sure the room was secure he settled onto the bed with his laptop and began looking up any newspaper articles he could find on the petrified people. It took several hours until he found something they all had in common..they all looked like something scared them half to death. What could be so horrible that would cause such a reaction? Deciding to look up mythical creatures, and folktales he came upon one beast that was said to kill or petrify their victims with a single glance..a horrible creature, something that caused him to shudder at the thought of facing it. Something that had him glancing at his phone, wishing that Dean was there beside him. What caused such a reaction? The Basilisk.

* * *

_A/N: I changed the lyrics to the first two verses some, from the song from She/Her to He/Him. I love the song, it's by Ronan Keating. Beautiful song. I left ya'll with a cliffie because well I wanted to do Deans POV about the waitress part, but decided to wait till the next chapter for it. Anyways R&R? Already working on chapter 5._


	5. For You, I'll Stay Alive

Chapter five: For You, I'll Stay Alive

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Supernatural and original characters belong to Kripke...lucky fuck.

* * *

Dean watched as Sam stormed out of the diner. He briefly played with the idea of chasing after his brother, but decided against it when the waitress approached rubbing her shoulder from where Sam had slammed into her without a care in the world. "What got into him?" The waitress asked as she placed their plates down on the table, as well as their coffees. Dean glanced towards the door and shrugged "Dunno." The waitress nodded "Well if you need _Anything _Just let me know." She purred. Dean just nodded at her, wondering what the hell he did to piss Sam off. Sure he should have told the waitress to back off, but well who wouldn't like to be flirted with? It wasn't like he was planning on fucking her or something.

Twenty minutes later when Sam hadn't returned he paid the bill and left a small tip, before walking out and towards the Impala expecting to find his brother pouting inside it. However as he drifted closer it became apparent that Sam wasn't in the car, and as Dean glanced in the back seat he noticed his brothers duffel bag missing. Panic hit him, wondering if Sam was in trouble or not. "He's safe. No thanks to you." Came the cold, and pissed off voice of Castiel seconds before he was slammed into the side of his car and spun around so they were face to face. "I worked months Dean. MONTHS to bring you back from the dead, where you should have stayed!" Castiel growled, hand fisting in the front of Deans shirt.

"What the hell Cas?" Dean gasped out trying to push the angel away, to no avail of course. Castiel pulled him forward and slammed him against the car again. "You would throw the chance for a happy, normal life with Sam away over some woman at a diner!" Castiel growled at his friend, rage clear in his bright blue eyes. If he didn't know it would inflict more pain on Sam then good, he would really send Dean back to hell where he honestly thought the man belonged right now. "Sam deserves better then you Dean. Someone who sees how much he loves them, who loves him just as much. He'd do anything for you and you just walk all over him. All you've done is hurt him since you came back. So either you pull your head out of your ass, or I will send you back. Sam might be pissed at me, but he'd be a hell of a lot better off." Castiel slammed Dean back once before before he disappeared leaving Dean to collapse against the car lost in thoughts.

Castiel reappeared in the motel room in Maryland heights Missouri to find Sam asleep on top of the blankets on the bed, his laptop open on his lap. Frowning slightly he walked over and lifted the computer from Sams lap, turning it off after bookmarking the sites he had opened and shut it. He then moved back over to the bed and brushed the hair from Sams face, noticing that tears streamed down his face even in his sleep. "Oh Sam..." He whispered shaking his head, he hated seeing his friend in so much pain. Slowly he pulled the covers from underneath Sam before he leaned forward and began to undo his friends Jeans, freezing when hands clasped his wrists. "Cas?" Came the confused and sleepy voice of Sam. "Yes?" Castiel asked and continued to pull Sams jeans down once the man relaxed and released his grip. "Why is it, that everyone I love...either leaves...or likes to hurt me?" Sam asked, so brokenly that Castiel felt his vessels heart clench at the sound.

"Not everyone does, Samuel." Castiel replied while he pulled the blankets over Sam and then brushed his hair from his face. Bright blue eyes stared down at Sam for several minutes, before the angel leaned down as his eyes roamed over Sams face...before he pressed a chaste kiss to Sams lips. "I don't." He whispered against them before pulling back from Sam, eyes still searching. Sam stared up at the angel, a confused look upon his face. However when he said nothing, or did nothing negative then Castiel leaned down for a slightly deeper kiss...to which Sam began to kiss back. Castiel knew it was wrong, but he had warned Dean, had told him he believed that Sam deserved someone who would love him as much as he loved them. Though he doubted Sam loved him, he wouldn't let it stop him from showing him someone loved him.

However all too soon the need for air became to much for Sam, so Castiel reluctantly pulled away from the younger Winchester. Sam lay there staring at him, before he closed his eyes and shook his head. "Cas...I..." He struggled to find the words. "Shh it's alright. I know you love him more then anything. I wouldn't do anything to threaten your place with him Samuel. Just know that I am here, that I love you and I'm not going anywhere if I can help it." Castiel reassured him, brushing hair from Sams face. Bright green eyes stared up at the Angel for a few moments before he offered Castiel a shy smile. Castiel took that as a sign to leave, and vanished after saying. "As long as it takes. However Deans driving up here...If you want to kiss and make up with him." Castiel added though his words were emotionless he looked down before vanishing. Sam sat there staring at the spot for several minutes before shaking his head as his hands rubbed at his face.

He knew he loved Dean, that he'd do anything for his brother..die for him. But was that because of the love or because he was his brother...his protector? Sometimes he didn't even know, he felt safe around Dean but there were times when he just pushed and pushed, ignorant of the pain he was causing...emotional and physical at times. Castiel however, he was safe...he protected and helped Sam...watched over him. He obviously held some feelings for Sam as well, why else would the angel kiss him? To spite Dean? It wasn't Cas' style really... A frustrated groan escaped Sam as he collapsed back onto the bed with his arm thrown over his face. It was so fucking confusing, because when things were good...they were great with Dean. But when they were bad, it was fucking hell. Was the pain worth the good? Did Dean cause his heart to beat faster when he walked into the room? Yes... Did he love his brother more then life itself? Yes. But the question wasn't if he loved Dean, it was if Dean loved him.

Did Dean love him? If he loved him...would Dean have said the things he said in the diner? Sam knew he was a burden to his brother, he knew it because he himself felt it. Time and time again he felt Dean would be better off without him, and had Dean loved him..he would be here already. He wasn't though, and Sam knew with his heart that though he'd die for his brother...loved his brother more then his own breath that Dean didn't love him as much.

A deep breath was taken as he forced himself to sit up, to focus on something other then his declining emotions...declining will. No he forced himself to focus on the hunt, at least now he knew what he was after. Pulling his laptop off the night stand he re-opened the pages he'd been browsing. Searching for a way to kill the Basilisk. Two sections stood out to him. _The only way to kill a basilisk is by holding a mirror in front of its eyes, while avoiding to look directly at it. The moment the creature sees its own reflection, it will die of fright. _As well as _However, even the basilisk has natural enemies. The weasel is immune to its glance and if it gets bitten it withdraws from the fight to eat some rue, the only plant that does not wither, and returns with renewed strength. A more dangerous enemy is the cock for should the basilisk hear it crow, it would die instantly. _Sam studied the paragraphs for several minutes before closing the laptop after shutting it off.

Getting up off the bed he headed towards the bathroom and grabbing the small mirror from the Cabinet. He doubted it'd be big enough, but it was something. Heading out the room he made sure to lock the door behind him, his pearl grip pistol tucked away in the waistband of his pants. Although he doubted it'd do much good against a basilisk. He walked for hours, searching the streets for any sign of the beast and much to his disappointment came back empty handed...so to speak. Though when he returned to the motel parking lot something caught his eye. A familiar car sat empty in a parking spot not far from his motel room, the only thing not right about the picture...was the drivers side door was still opened. Moving quickly and cautiously towards the car he noticed that it was in fact the Impala. "Dean?" He called out softly, green eyes raking the ground and surrounding area for any signs of his brother.

When no answer came he shut the cars door and snagged the keys from the ignition – something he thought odd – before rushing towards the office. As he burst inside he glanced around, rushing over to the desk. "Excuse me, but has a guy checked in here or come in? Dark blonde, bout yey tall?" He asked, holding his hand up to around Deans height. "No...Sorry sir." Sam nodded "Thanks..." Before he turned and exited the office. "Fuck!" He cried out, kicking a trashcan. Tears began to well up in his eyes, Dean had come looking for him...he'd come...and now that thing most likely had him. _He could have come for the hunt _A voice in the back of his head whispered. He shook his head, forcing the voice away. No, he wouldn't listen to that.

Slowly and reluctantly he headed back to his motel room, to do more research into these Basilisks. Such as places they lived, and what they did with the petrified people. "I'm coming De." He whispered into the darkness. "I'll find you." Or so he hoped he would, preferably alive. Walking into the motel room he made sure to lock the door once more and fix the salt lines. He made a note to dig through Deans duffel in the car tomorrow, for now he was exhausted...it was nearly one in the morning. A low sigh escaped vocals as he collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He didn't know how long he lay there, unable to sleep but it was apparent he eventually fell off to sleep considering the next thing he remembered was waking to the sun in his eyes. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed he slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and half expecting Dean to walk through the door with breakfast. It was with a pang that he remembered, he had left Dean in Camden and now his brother was missing. Quickly getting dressed he settled down to do more research into the Basilisk, he was going to find his brother if it was the last thing he did. After several hours of searching through false sites he finally found a reliable source, and frowned when it said that Basilisks lived in either caves, or dark and damp dwellings. There were no caves around, but there was the sewer. Groaning he pushed away the laptop and got off the bed. Might as well head out and search...the sooner he found his brother the more likely the chances he'd be alive were.

Heading down into the sewer Sam had decided to keep the flash light off for now, in an attempt to keep from alerting the beast to his presence anymore then necessary. However as he trudged through the muck he was beginning to regret it. It was impossible to see anything in front of him, and he had to rely on his hearing to keep alert. After what seemed forever he heard something large moving ahead of him, and quickly held the mirror in front of his face as he continued to walk ahead. Pushing his thumb down he clicked the flash light on and began to shine it along the floor. A low hiss sounded from ahead, before a high pitch screech as the beast rounded the corner towards the light and caught sight of itself in the mirror. Sam continued to hold the mirror up until he heard a loud 'splash' and felt the muck surge towards him from the force of the beast falling down...lifeless. Cautiously he moved towards it, climbing over its legs while avoiding looking at its head and in turn the eyes. "Could have been more eventful." He mumbled to himself as he rounded the corner it'd come from.

The light from the flashlight raked over the sewage systems tunnels, searching for the figure of his brother. Several minutes into the search a groan had Sam twisting around and grabbing for the gun in his waistband. "Oh...Disgusting." Came a familiar voice and Sam felt himself smiling despite himself as he released his grip on the gun and charging through the muck towards the voice. "De!" He called in a mock whisper, loud enough to be heard but not overly loud. "Sam?" Came the confused voice of his brother just as he rounded the corner that separated them and his smile spread full force across his face. Jogging over he reached Dean in time to help his brother stand, though he was a bit shaky. "Sam...There's a-" Dean began, however Sam cut him off with "I know, Its dead." He replied as he wrapped a arm around Deans waist and began guiding his brother out of the sewage tunnels.

Twenty minutes later they were back at the motel room, Dean was currently in the shower while Sam bagged up their dirty clothes to toss, god knows those weren't going anywhere near the other clothes. Opening the door he tossed them in the trash can near the parking lot before he re-entered. Dean emerged from the shower a few minutes later, looking up at Sam from where he sat on the bed in just his boxers..fresh clothes on the bed next to him. "Showers free..." Dean muttered and Sam nodded, grabbed the clothes and headed into the bathroom. There is an awkward air to the room, the silence stretched...strained. Dean knows he hurt Sam before, knows he should apologize but he just doesn't know how. Castiels words echo in his head, and as he turns towards the bathroom door he can't help but think that the angel is right.

However he knows he'd never let go, he loves Sam to much to lose him. But would he let Sam go if his brother wanted to? Would he stand by and let Sam be happy with someone else? He knew then that even if it'd kill him...if Sam wanted it, if he wanted to leave...that he would. He'd watch his brother walk out that door, even as his heart broke. But he knew then, that he didn't want that to happen. Several minutes into Sams shower Dean pushed the bathroom door open, slipping inside and shutting the door behind him silently.

A sob reached Deans ears, listening as Sam cried under the spray. Moving closer he could even see the red of his brothers eyes through the glass door, and slowly slid it open causing his brother to whip around. Dean had already stripped off his clothes in the main room, and as he slipped into the shower and shut the door he watched as Sam stared at him, shaking from fear? "Sammy..." Dean breathed, his hazel eyes staring into his brothers emerald green ones. "De." Sam sobbed out and Dean moved forward wrapping his arms around Sams waist pulling him closer to him as Sam buried his face into Deans shoulder his own arms going around Deans waist.

Dean just held his brother, his hands rubbing soothing circles along Sams back. "Shh..." He whispered into Sams ear, closing his eyes as his body shook with the force of Sams sobs. Dean didn't know how long they stood there, pressed so tightly together that no light shown between them. He didn't know how long his brother sobbed and he comforted, but he did know by time Sam pulled away the water had turned cold. Silently he lead Sam out of the shower after turning the water off, since both were clean..had been before Dean even slipped into the shower with his brother. He silently wrapped a towel around Sams waist and then his own, all the while staring into Sams eyes. Sam followed him willingly out into the room, water sliding down Sams chest and disappearing into the towel. Dean gently pushed him to sit on the bed, before he sank to his knees before his brother. He knew that Sam was hurting, that his heart was breaking and he knew he had to fix it.

"You can leave...if you want." Came the quiet and broken voice of Sam, who was staring down at his lap instead of at Dean. "Why would I want that?" Dean asked, gently forcing Sam to lift his head. "You only came for the hunt. Its dead now, you're safe...You obviously don't want me...since I'm too clingy...So..." Sams rambling was cut off when Deans lips covered his own, his tongue forcing its way into Sams mouth and caressing his tongue. Deans hands had moved up, one cupping the back of Sams head keeping him from pulling away and the other wrapped around his waist pulling him closer as Dean stood slowly. This of course caused Sam to fall back onto the bed, as Dean had moved to cover his body with his own. Pulling back from the kiss he stared down at his brother and shook his head. "You're an idiot." He said finally, bluntly. "See. Just go th-" Sam started but Dean cut across him. "I didn't come here for the hunt. I came here to find you...That thing just found me first." Dean continued like Sam hadn't even spoken. "Really?" Sam asked, staring up at him hopefully. "Yes. I realized I was an ass...I should have told the waitress to back off...I realized you're to important to just lose you over some bitch." He chuckled then "Course, Cas kind of knocked some sense into me."

Sam smiled up at him before he wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him down all the way and pressing a chaste kiss to Deans lips. When he pulled away he spoke softly "Good. Least someone did." Dean scowled at that, but let it go as he laid down next to Sam, his arms wrapping around Sams waist and pulling him back against his chest. "Love you, Sammy." "Love you too, De."

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_A/N: Next chapter will be up ASAP. I'd like to get at least two reviews before I finish chapter six. R&R. Opinions on Sam/Cas or Dean/Cas._


	6. I Don't Know You Anymore

**Chapter six: I don't know you anymore**  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Supernatural and original characters belong to Kripke. Lucky bastard.  


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They stayed in Missouri for a few more days, enjoying the sights. However last night Dean had left to the bar alone because Sam didn't want to go get pissed drunk again for the third night in a row. However this morning as Sam woke, he became aware to the fact the Deans side of the bed was cold...and undisturbed. Blinking he slowly rolled over onto his back before swinging his feet over the side of the bed. "De?" He called to the room as his hands rubbed sleep from his eyes. When no answer came he began to panic, why wasn't dean home? Pushing up off the bed he peered out the window of the motel room and sighed when he spotted the Impala in the parking space. "He probably walked to get breakfast..." Sam grumbled to himself before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

Twenty minutes later the rooms door opened and Dean walked into the room, hazel eyes darting to the bed and frowning when he noticed that Sam wasn't where he'd left him. However the telltale sounds of water running told him that Sam was in the shower. Setting the food on the table he smirked and headed towards the bathroom, quietly opening the door and slinking inside. Steam flowed from the shower, fogging the mirror in the bathroom and making the air thick and hard to breath. Sliding the curtain to the side Dean slipped into the shower after stripping quickly, wrapping his arms around Sams waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder as his hands inched south. "De. No." Sam growled and attempted to pull away from his brother.

However when he tried this he found himself pressed against the shower wall. "Come on Sammy." Dean purred into his ear, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck as his hands continued down to grasp Sams limp dick. "Aw...Not even hard." Dean pouted "Don't you want me Sammy? Want me to fill you? Make you scream my name in pleasure." Sam whimpered, why was Dean pushing this? Why was he trying to pressure Sam into sex? He normally backed off when Sam said no... "Course...I could always go back to the bar..." Sam didn't let him finish that sentence as he pressed his ass back against Deans arousal...closing his eyes as tears welled up.

Dean groaned at that, his hand grasping Sams dick began to pump it while the other one circled around his waist and parted his ass cheeks. "Mm..That's right..." Dean moaned as he thrust against Sam before spinning him around and pinning him before scooping his legs up so they wrapped around his waist and his dick pressed against Sams entrance. Sam tensed at this, eyes tightening before Dean thrust into him unprepared and he screamed as Dean let out a long moan as he went to the hilt in that one thrust. "Mmm So good...such a good slut." Dean whispered in Sams ear as he pounded into him. Sam tried to ignore the words, ignore the pain, ignore the tears running down his cheeks. He tried to beg Dean to stop, but it didn't work. He tried telling himself this wasn't Dean..but it looked like him, sounded like him, hell even smelled like him. Why would his own brother rape him?

As Dean came with a groan Sam choked back a sob, though he did gasp when Dean pulled out of him and let Sams feet fall to the floor before he stepped back. Sam simply slid down the shower wall and Dean tsked at him before getting out of the shower. Sam sat there for god knows how long before he slowly got to his feet, ignoring the blood and cum coming out of his ass as he gingerly stepped out. Wrapping the towel around his waist he limped into the room and a glance told him Dean was sitting at the table in the room eating a hamburger. Slowly he moved to the duffel bag and pulled out his clothes before he turned to head back to the bathroom. "Ah ah." Dean tsked, shaking his head and causing Sam to freeze. "Change here." Dean ordered and raised a brow when Sam went to protest. Something told him not to argue, though he did glare at his brother before dropping the towel to the ground.

Dean stood then and moved around the table, moving to circle him. After a few minutes feeling like a helpless prey about to be struck down by some predator Dean returned to the table and picked up his burger. "Getting a bit fat there, Sam." He commented off handily before looking back to his meal. Sam continued to stare after his brother for a moment before turning his back on Dean and reaching for his boxers to pull them on. Once he was fully dressed he sank down onto the bed, glancing from under his lashes at Dean every few moments. "What?" Dean finally snapped at him, setting his burger down on the wrapper. "...Nothing." Sam replied quietly before glancing down at the floor. This of course made Dean smirk and stand fluidly from the table.

Moving closer Sam continued to stare at the floor, trying to ignore the heat that emanated from his brother when Dean came to a stop before him. "Really? Now come Sam. Don't hold back." Dean commented as his hands moved to Sams shoulders and up his neck before lifting his head to stare up at Dean. One of Deans hands drifted away though, and undid the button on his jeans and then the zipper letting them fall to the ground around his feet. Sams eyes snapped to this action before looking back up and he swallowed thickly. "Your...Not acting like yourself..." Sam whispered as Dean pulled his boxers off and stepped between Sams legs. "Or maybe I'm acting like myself because I've gotten sick of babying you?" Dean replied before he pulled Sam off the bed and forced him onto his knees. Sams gaze lowered until it locked onto Deans dick hard and proud in front of his face. "Suck."

When Sam shook his head Dean drew his hand back before smacking Sam hard, the resounding crack echoing around the room while Sams head jerked to one side and tears welled up in his eyes though he tried to force them away. Sams gaze remained closed, he was aware though of Dean jerking him off the ground and shoving him face down onto the end of the bed so that only his upper body was on the bed. Hands pulled down his boxers and he felt a heat pressing against his back "Fine. Guess I'll just have to get off this way." Then there was pain, blinding pain that cause Sam to scream and try to arch away from the source though the mattress prevented it. "De!" He sobbed hands clenching around the comforter as he tried to claw his way up the bed, away from Dean whos hands clamped down around his hip bones and halted his attempts of freedom as he was pounded into. "De! Please...Stop!" He could feel himself being ripped, torn to pieces. Dean would never do this to him! Dean protected him, loved him, cherished him! So why was his brother raping him again? His hole was already raw and injured from the rape in the shower, how could his brother be ready again so soon. Deans thrust became erratic and rough before he tense and a low moan escaped him as he released inside Sam again. He collapsed on top of Sam then, pressing his brother into the bed even further. Muffled sobs could be heard from the man beneath him.

This of course only caused Dean to smirk and squeeze the flesh where his hands were resting. Pulling out his smirk grew as blood and cum oozed out of his brothers hole. "'De' isn't in at the moment." Dean hissed into Sams ear before he stood up and strided towards the bathroom leaving Sam to collapse onto the ground, gasping at the pain in his backside. "De." Sam sobbed, wanting so much to not believe that...person. He just wanted his De, his protector...not the one who was causing him so much pain. As he lay there, he couldn't help but ponder...could it be possible? Could this Dean not be Dean at all? Sam pulled himself up off the ground, slowly limping towards his duffel bag where his silver blade Dean had bought him when they were teenagers rested. He heard the sound of the shower turning on and breathed a relieved breath that he'd at least have time to get the knife.

It seemed to take forever till he finally reached the duffel bag. Slipping one hand inside the bag he dug around until his fingers closed around the hilt, just in time for the bathroom door to open and the sound of footsteps padding across the room towards him reached his ears. Taking a deep breath he prayed that he was right, and as a hand curled around his hip he twisted towards the body behind him and thrust his hand sideways, slicing the person behind him in the stomach with the silver knife and watching as Dean hissed and lunged backwards, the flesh that'd been cut burning and smoking. "You sonofabitch!" Sam didn't wait he drew back the knife again and aimed to stab the shifter in the shoulder, grinning when the blade sunk into the flesh like butter. Smoke and a scream rose from the body before him, a hand came out and backhanded him across the face causing him to stumble and fall onto the bed where the shifter covered him and pulled the blade from its shoulder. "Guessing you figured out I'm not really Dean." It hissed "Unless.." A grin spread across its face while it dragged the blade down Sams face and neck. "Unless you didn't care, would you have cut your own brother?"

Sam stared up at him, wincing as the blade cut into his flesh. "If he did what you just did...yes." He replied with a glare. Dean smirked down at him "Such a loving brother you are." He purred sarcastically, running the blade up Sams cheek and side of his face before pressing it in harder, cutting into his flesh. Sam didn't even flinch as the knife cut into him he simply glared. "Do what you want to me. Dean will get lose, and he will kill you." He whispered with such loathing that the shifter laughed. "How do you know hes not dead?" The shifter whispered. "Because. I'd feel it." Sam replied seriously.

He knew Dean couldn't be dead, it'd feel like half of him was gone. Like half of his soul was ripped away and twisted into tiny knots before being shredded in a shredder. He just knew. But what was keeping Dean? Why hadn't Castiel even come to visit them? He tensed at the thought of Castiel, the memory of the kiss still fresh in his mind. He'd never betray Dean like that...but wasn't letting the shifter touch him betrayal as well? No he reminded himself, that wasn't consensual. Of course he'd not consented to the kiss either...but Castiel knew, knew he'd never leave Dean. So why had he even bothered?

He could feel the blade slicing into his flesh, and pain shooting through his body. A shuddered breath was taken before he allowed his mind to go blank, ignoring the pain. Dean.

**Flashback**

_It was another Christmas in another motel room, with just him and Dean. Dad had gone out a few days prior and hadn't come home yet. Had they been any other family this may have caused alarm, but in their family it just meant the thing their dad was hunting was being difficult to track...or at least that's what Dean knew. Sam glanced up from where he was wrapping his present to their father when Dean suddenly spoke from his spot by the window, where he'd been staring out into the dark. "What is that?" He had asked and Sam twisted slightly to see his brother. "A present for Dad." Sam replied happily, he was proud of the necklace that uncle Bobby had given him for his gift to their dad._

_"Oh yea? Where'd you get the money for it? Did you steal it?" Came Deans response, slightly cold in tone as if he expected the answer to be a yes. "No, Uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to him. Said it was real special." Sam replied frowning as he finally finished wrapping his gift. "What is it?" This time Dean sounded interested in the gift, wandering if it'd be any better then the knife he'd gotten for their dad. "A Pony." Sam deadpans, causing Dean to scoff out a "Yea right." as he walks over and settles onto the couch behind him and lifts up the magazine 'Hot Rod' to begin flipping through it._

_"Dads going to be here right?" Sam asks, the fear of their father not keeping his promise clear in his tone, disappointment as well. It wouldn't be the first holiday their father missed and probably wouldn't be the last. "He'll be here." Dean reassures without looking up from the magazine. "It's Christmas." Sam reminds Dean "He knows. He'll be here. He promised." The last two words sound strained, like he knew this would be a promise broken._

_"Where is he anyways?" Sam asked finally turning to look back at Dean. "On Business." Comes Deans blunt reply as he flips the pages of the magazine. "What kind of Business?" Sam asks, no one ever told him what their dad did exactly. Dean placed the magazine down in his lap and looked down at Sam. "You know this." He pauses. "He sells stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Stuff." "Nobody ever tells me anything." This time Sam sounds petulant. "Then quit asking." Deans tone is annoyed as he stands with magazine in hand and moves to the bed where he brushes off the food wrappers and lays down to continue his reading._

_"Is dad a spy?" Sam asks suddenly, not getting the hint that Dean wanted the subject dropped. "Mhm. He's James bond." Comes Deans sarcastic response. Sam frowns at him "Why do we move around so much?" "'Cause everywhere we go, they get sick of your face." Sam sighed and stood up, leaping over the back of the couch only to lean against it and stare at Dean. "I'm old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth." "You don't want to know the truth. Believe me." Dean emphasizes his response. "Is that why we never talk about... mom?" Sam asks and doesn't have time to react before Deans tossed the magazine away and was up off the bed and in his face. "SHUT UP!" Dean shouted at him. "Don't you ever talk about mom! Ever!" He continues as he moves away from Sam and towards the door grabbing his jacket._

_"Wait. Where are you going?" Sam calls after him. Dean doesn't even bother to turn around as he replies with "Out!" before hes out the door, it slamming shut behind him._

**End flashback**

Sam could remember the first time Dean really tried to look out for him, in a 'not protecting you' sort of way. He knew by now that blood was running down his flesh, and he tried not to puke when he felt the shifts tongue running up his chest.

**Flashback**

_Sam woke up to Deans hand on his shoulder, shaking him away with a whispered "Sam! Wake up" Sam rolled over and looked blearily at his brother. "Dad was here. Look what he brought." Sam looked to where Dean was gesturing and saw the Christmas tree with lights and the few presents. "Dad was here?" Sam asks softly. "Yeah. Look at this. We made a killing." Dean replied with a light smile. "Why didn't he try to wake me up?" Sam asked, yawning. He nearly missed the slight frown on Deans face. "He tried to, like, a thousand times." "He did?" Sam asked confused. Dean nodded "Yeah. Did I tell you he would give us Christmas or what?" Sam continued to look at him. "Go on. Dive in." Dean continued, smiling as Sam threw the covers off and ran to the little tree, picking up two presents that were there. He moves over to the couch and begins to unwrap them, well aware that Deans beside him._

_"What is it?" Dean asks, trying to sound as though he didn't know. A confused look crossed Sams face as he held up "Sapphire Barbie?" Dean scoffed but a smile spread across his face. "Dad probably thinks your a girl." He replies in a teasing tone. "Shut up." He says as he tosses the doll to the floor. "Open that one." Dean said motioning to the other present. Sam opens it to reveal a pink baton. Sam looked over at Dean. "Dad never showed, did he?" "Yeah, he did. I swear." Sam gives a look that clearly says he doesn't believe him. "Dean, where'd you get all this stuff?" Dean sighs and looks away "Nice house up the block. I swear I didn't know they were chick presents. Look, I'm sure dad would have been here if he could." "If he's alive." "Don't say that. Of course he's alive." Dean replied and smiled "He's Dad." He continued._

_Sam nods at that before reaching into the couch beside the cushions to pull out the gift he'd been wrapping for their dad earlier. He then handed it to Dean. "Here. Take this." "No. No, that's for dad." Sam continues to hold it in his lap before "Dad lied to me. I want you to have it." Dean looks down at the gift for a moment then up at Sam. "You sure?" He asks. "I'm sure." Dean accepts the gift and begins to open it, only to reveal a amulet. Dean held it in his hand, looking at it. "Thanks Sam. Its...I love it." He then put it on and looked up at Sam who smiled at him._

**End flashback**

That was the same exact Amulet Dean had worn everyday of his life, until the day Castiel told them God couldn't be found...and most likely didn't care. Dean had let it fall into the trash can then, not knowing that Sam had fished it out and carried it in his pocket always. This time it's a different thing that brings him out of his memories, its the sound of a door being slammed and a gun cocked. Confused he glances around, green eyes find hazel as he takes in the sight of his brother standing in the doorway with his ivory handled pistol aimed for the shifters head. "Get. The. Fuck. Off. Him." Dean growls and the shifter smirks. "Aw but he likes it. He wants it. Wants to be-" But before the shifter can finish a gunshot rings through the room and the shifter falls limp to the side of Sam, who is dragged up and into the warm embrace of Dean. A sob escapes one of their lips, he's not sure which. Tears well in his eyes as he clings to his brother, breathing in his smell and trying to force the memories of the rapes at the hands of the shifter from his mind. "De..." He breathes. "Shh it's okay." Dean whispers as his hands rub soothing circles in his back.

"Is he okay?" Comes another voice, a familiar voice. Glancing up from his spot Sam offers them a strained smile. "I'll be alright...Thanks...Cas." Castiel nods before he walks into the room and places a hand on the body, they both disappear. "I knew you'd come for me De." Sam whispers once they're alone. "Always. It's my job, watching out for my pain in the ass little brother." Dean replies, voice strained as he tries to keep from sobbing. Sam is covered in blood, cuts of different depths all across his arms and chest...face. "Love you." Dean mutters into Sams ear and Sam tenses slightly as the memories try to grab hold but he shoves them away, deep down. "Love you too, De." But if shifters took their memories...copies of them...did that mean Dean really wanted to hurt him, make him bleed? Did he really know his brother at all?

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_A/N: This chapter took so long because I got it done once, but didn't like how it went. So I decided to redo it, and I don't really like writing Non-con scenes for Sam...it pains me. ANYWAYS R&R please. Next chapter up ASAP._


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